on being a mom of boys...

<slightly soppy alert>
These thoughts have very much been me for the last couple of weeks. I bumped into an old(ish) school mate who has just had a baby boy - her second babe, first boy. She said: "boys hold a special place in mommy's heart" to which I answered: "yes, I'm in love with all three of mine" and really meant it. It's amazing how such truth comes out from a spontaneous response. Yes, I'm in love with my boys. It means I take the bad with the good. I get angry but it doesn't make me love them any less. I tell them how I'm feeling, even if I'm sad or grumpy, cos that'll make better men out of them. Then it got me thinking about that "special place" and I think I've worked it out. When I look at my boys, I see a bit of my dad and a bit of Gareth. These are the
two men I love most in the whole world. No wonder I'm in love with these gorgeous boys of mine. And I've got a lot of lovin' to give. Endless capacity.

some classics from the terrible twins

Shupiwe looked after the twins on Saturday - Gareth got to go to rugby unencumbered and I went to scrapbooking with only one handicap. She sent me this email on Tuesday...

 

 Here are my memories from babysitting Matt and Tim this weekend:

 

Matt on surfing:

Shupiwe: “Matthew if you hit your brother, Emma won’t teach you how to surf:

Matthew: “I don’t want to learn how to surf:

Shupiwe: “Why not Matt?”

Matthew: “Because you fall over. I don’t like falling over”

 

Latah………… Matt on Bakkie’s:

Matthew: “Shapiwe you are making me angry”

Shupiwe: “Why Matt?”

Matthew: “Just because. If you make me angry you cannot come in my bakkie”

Shupiwe (puzzled): “What bakkie Matt?”

Matthew: “I don’t need Emma to teach me how to surf. I am going to teach myself to surf. I am going to have a bakkie with four surf boards. One for me and one for you shapiwe and one for Tim”

Shupiwe (puzzled again): “Matt, who will use the fourth board?”

Matthew: “Umm…. Emma”

 

Latah Latah…………… Tim on Surfing:

Tim: “Shapiwe, Emma can teach ME how to surf”

Shupiwe: “Ok Tim. I will tell her.”

Tim: “But only when I am 43”

Shupiwe: “That might be difficult Tim. Emma will be about 70 then. And maybe you could start surfing when you are younger?”

Tim: “OK. When I am 65”

 

Latah latah latah………………….Tim on Love:

Tim: “Shapiwe I love you sooooooo many millions:

Shupiwe: “I love you too Tim. Who else do you love?”

Tim: “Ummm…… Emma.”

Shupiwe: “Do you love her millions?”

Tim: “No. Soooooo many millions”

 

 And lastly, Tim on Taiwan:

Tim: “Shapiwe do you live in Taiwan?”

Shupiwe: “No, Tim, I have told you before I live in Vincent. I was just visiting Emma in Taiwan”

Tim: “Does Grannie live in Taiwan now?”

Shupiwe (much laughter): “No Tim…..”

Tim: “So she is also visiting Emma’s hood?”

Shupiwe (dying with laughter now): “Yes Tim, Grannie is visiting Emma’s hood”

 

BTW our agenda (which is becoming a theme now – goes along with the endless ground rules….. terrible twins set both with some coercion..) for Saturday consisted of: 1. Puzzles, 2. Going to Cintsa to buy icing, 3. Making iced marie biscuits, and 4. Watching a video – we got to item 2 then they passed out! Must be the Buffalo they got at Cintsa for drinking their juice with their left hand. The receptionist (Unathi) forced them to down their juice! Or maybe the forced “last one to the beach is a rotten goose” made them pass out in the car on the way home……… We eventually iced biscuits – icing everywhere and Tim somehow gave us the instructions to making black icing! Lots of fun and lots of icing everywhere….. on their faces, on the table, on me, on their clothes,on Anthony…….

Conversations with Matt in the morning

"why is this plant in your bathroom, mom" (just moved one of mom's potplants into my bathroom),
"cos it's nice there, matt, and it's from granny's hood and needs water"
"oh" he says "do you like green, mom"
"yes, it's my favourite colour"
"and purple's your favourite colour too"
"oh, is it? gosh, i didn't know that"
"yes!" he says "and pink too. all girls like pink"
I'm starting to say, "no not me, i don't have any pink clothes..." (etc) but he's now concentrating on weeing standing up (not easy to talk & aim)

What a child needs...

Saw this today on a blog (we have new super-fast internet now, do they really expect me to work??):
I’d like to make the case that the most important thing fathers can do for their children is to love their mother. And likewise, among the many things mothers do for their children, one of the most important is that mothers love their children’s father.
Donno who said it, but it's one I've seen before. Well, the first part. How could they leave out the second part?
Good stuff to see on a day such as this (for us).

A Most Magnificent Marriage

Today, we celebrate 10 years of a Most Magnificent Marriage. Amazing. And I love Gareth more today than I ever have. How cool is that? I'm feeling on top of the world. I think today is a RED day. And that's good. 10 reasons why I think we have a magnificent marriage:
1. We're best friends
2. We can talk. About anything. Without ever worrying that we're going to be judged.
3. We're great lovers. And it's the small things that count here. Like an sms or an affectionate gesture when the other isn't expecting it.
4. We have made three gorgeous, intelligent, sensitive and secure children.
5. We're good parents. We complement each other to create an environment with clear boundaries and lots of love. And we're team players in this arena.
6. We understand and compensate for each others' weaknesses.
7. We have similar tastes. In movies, in furniture, in food.
8. We have a lot in common. We like doing the same things, like going to the beach and enjoying nature.
9. We love each other. Of this, I'm sure.
10. We allow for the other's independence.
So, to you guys out there: I wish for you even one tenth of what we have. And you'll be happy!

just a quote

I love this one:
"The more I give myself permission to live in the moment and enjoy it,
without feeling guilty or judgmental about any other time, the better I feel
about the quality of my work." (Wayne Dyer)
Carpe Diem
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Live Consciously

I've been thinking (quite a lot) recently about how my life seems to be a
treadmill. A rat race. And sometimes I want to press the pause button (and
frequently the "undo" button). I am aware that my life seems to be passing
by in a rush, and I'm not even noticing the scenery. So, I'm making a
conscious effort to live. Or rather, to live consciously. To be aware of
people around me. To be aware of myself and how I function in my space. To
be acutely aware of how I feel about things - what makes me happy (do more)
and what makes me sad (avoid, if possible).
Is this strange? I don't care. I'm going to do it. I'm going to live
consciously.
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A bit bleak this morning...

Although we had an excellent weekend - I got to scrapbook, we released our
children (all 3!) to Sue for Sat night and half of Sun, I managed (with
Sue's help) to make a good Chinese meal, and other random good things - I'm
feeling a bit bleak. I can't stand this amorphous bleakness, and so spend a
lot of time trying to figure it out. Could it be:
- getting to work to a deskful of paper and no desire to do anything with
any of it?
- being another two staff down (farewell to Lundi & Mzwanele on Friday)?
- three months feeling like a very long time to hang in here (but hang in
here I must)?
- attempting to self-medicate with a bacon & egg sarmi & a packet of chips
(I KNOW it doesn't work!)?
- a general atmosphere (at work) of unreasonableness and inefficiency?
- plain ole simple Monday blues?
- a combination of all? (most likely)
Now that I've analysed it (to an extent), now I work at beating it.

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Matt says:

We went to Hamburg this weekend. The Fords needed to see Mom and I need to
see "The House that Frank Built" - his kit house that I'm doing some
drawings and an instruction manual for. On the way, Matt asks if all his
friends are going to be there. About three months ago, we went to Hamburg
with Ali & stayed in her brother's place. Ali's friend, Karen was there,
with her four kids and one of their friends. So with those kids and Ali's,
that made SEVEN kids for Matt and Tim to follow around. They loved it. Alas,
Ali and "all Matt's friends" were not going to be there. So, when we go
there and got ourselves settled into unit 12 (a single bed one, quite a way
from Ali's), Matt says "please can we go to Hamburg?" But Matt, this IS
Hamburg. "No, the real Hamburg. We want to go to Ali's... um... Ali's...
Ali's property!"
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Towards training....

My job with Mvula is (in all probability) going to end in September... While
this has caused me much stress and anxiety, I am finding more and more that
this is SO a good thing. Heidi said to let go of "Mvula's apron-strings"
(paraphrased), which hit a cord cos it's so true. Melanie said "you have to
give up the life you have to get the life that's waiting for you." I could
work hard at making a bed for myself at Mvula. There's some potential, and
some Head Office staff have expressed interest in some of my skills, but why
use up energy doing that? When I could use that energy creating something
more myself which is way more enjoyable, more flexible and more rewarding...
So, I'm on a mission to become a trainer. I know this is what I actually
want to do. I have education in my genes, but not the patience and
noise-threshold required to be a teacher. Adult education appeals to me, and
the little I've done, I've enjoyed. Now, my mission is to find the training
content that I'm passionate about.
I've got a meeting with a friend's husband tomorrow - he owns a company that
offers corporate training, and has expressed interest in having me on board
(on contract). This is promising (but I must beware of jumping at the first
opportunity...) Wish me luck!
Other news: Our big boys have emerged from the rotavirus fairly unscathed,
albeit a bit thinner (or taller, as some people have noticed). Gareth & I
are still exhausted, and Anthony is puzzled by what all the fuss was about.
Granny leaves for Jhb tomorrow, first leg of the long journey to Taiwan. I
think she gets there mid-next week. I'm trying not to think about the hole
she'll leave here, but rather about the space she'll fill in Emma's
"Communist" world.
And: no internet at work, awaiting an ADSL from Telkom (their target is 31
Aug, altho we ordered it some weeks ago!) Hence the silence on the
blog-side. I'm attempting an email to blog here...
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Somewhat shitty day

Up all night with two sick boys. Matt & Tim have rotavirus. Golly. And now my day at work's gone pear-shaped, when I planned to be in here for a few hours. Oh well. Counting my blessings:
- Gareth can be with the boys today (by some unusual timetabling luck)
- the world isn't falling out of our bottoms (me & G, that is)
- got some gorgeous pics of Em, rocking the Chinese world, this morning
- the sun's shining

this makes me happy: my love returned

i pick up my usually-grumpy kitty this morning, and give him a good ole love. like serious lovin'. usually he'd just squirm out and go and sit by his bowl and give me this mournful look: "love me? feed me." this morning though, he loved back. he squashed himself against me and stuck his wet nose under my chin and purred and purred. it was lovely. in fact, it was bloody marvelous. and got me thinking (like most things do, these days...):
i love that matt lies in the bed next to me and holds my face in his hands and kisses me. and says "mommy, i'm kissing you" (just in case i'm actually as asleep as i look)
i love that tim says "love you, mom" and when i say "love you more, boy" he just grins a great big satisfied grin
i love that my amazing husband sends me a sms on an ordinary day that says "love you and missing you"
i love that my little ant jumps up and down in excitement, waving his arms and giving me his best 6-tooth grin when kiss him
aaah. this is good.

i feel good (da-da da-da da-da)

Today's a good day. Could it be:
- a good night's sleep and tea in bed?
- driving my brand new (to me) car?
- a great gym session?
- breakfast of vanilla yoghurt & Nature's Source Lite & Crispy?
- feeling productive and of value at work?
- getting a "that's the best news I've had all day" response to my "I love you" sms to my favourite person (aka Gareth)?
The first and the last are probably the biggest influence on this seratonin-sunny day...
Have a happy day, all!

Matt says:

"You didn't fetch us from school, Mom. Did you get stuck in a meeting? Was there a door on the meeting? Was it closed? Couldn't you open it?"
I just have to smile at this logic...
The last few days have been pretty tough. Gareth's been sick (but not in any way pathetic, like other wives say their husbands can be). Ant's still teething grumpily. The big boys have started fighting again, after a couple of weeks of respite. And I'm hardly coping. With the stresses of work. With difficult children. With my own attitude. I feel like I need a holiday, away, far away (and I won't pack my present attitude!). I'm planning such a thing, but at the moment, it's still dependent on the elusive audit programme, which is stressing me further...

finally... fotos

"Can I climb up here, mom?" "Sure, boy."

"They're so lovely!"

"Mom... Mom! Here. Cheese!"

I would post some lovely pictures, but...

I can't get either Imageshack or Blogger Upload Images to work. Any other suggestions for hosting? What do you use?

Happy shrink-time

Went to see my shrink again today. Just a routine visit. And it was brilliant. We talked like equals, discussed the subtleties of drugs, placebo-effect and therapy. Had some laughs. I think if you're able to laugh with your shrink, you're on the mend (if you're seeing him for depression, that is).
I have a feeling this is going to be a good day... This evening, I'm taking the boys to a "reading" by Gcina Mhlophe, a well-known South Africa author (so I've been told). And I'm doing it because I WANT to, not because I should, need to or have to. Cool, hey?

Fun on the farm

We got to the family farm this weekend... Just this side of Aliwal, a very long journey when you've three children and only a family-sized car (as opposed to a 7-seater). Some rather nifty driving from My-Man-in-6-Billion got us through the clay/mud/rained-on farm road by about 7pm on Friday. The big boys watched much rugby, the little boys totally loved the sheep and the girls (mostly) ate choc cake. Alas, no snow, but boy, it was pretty chilly. Photos to follow...

Big

Sometimes life just gets way too big. You know what I mean? Like, at the moment, the fact that international auditors are coming to audit our 4-year, R45million programme in 2 weeks time is... well, BIG. I have way too much weight to lose, and that's BIG. I have three beautiful boys, who need a sane and semi-organised mom (or is that semi-sane and organised?), and that's BIG. And they're not even at "real" school yet, when they'll need lunchboxes and afternoon schedules. My husband assures me he's happy, with everything, except his job, and that's BIG. My baby sister's getting married to her ABF (Australian BoyFriend) in less that a year's time, and that's way BIG.
Oh, boy. This is definitely a find-some-vanilla-yoghurt-and-drink-as-much-as-you-can day. Today is just way too BIG.
Edited to Add As a testament to how this day is getting to me: I managed to leave my silver credit card in the ATM. I think my brain's reached saturation point.

funny things you say

In the car this morning, while Gareth's singing "Fearless as the Eagle" (once again), Matt says: "Is "Nentando Superabis" the name of the eagle?"
...and...
Ant has started this very cute thing... he tilts his head onto his shoulder and grins, to charm you. And it works. We call it "COY". Yesterday, Tim explains to Gareth what "coy" means... "Coy means put your head to the side."